How did they crash!?

Monday lunch time, on way to a popular shopping centre in Hampshire - coming across a head on accident on a 30mph road, was not the thing i was expecting to see. a Big cheese filled burger, and perhaps some shop lifters - yes.

The accident appears to have just happened. Two cars had gone head on, and the cars were obliterated at the front.  How they'd managed to even crash, and how they'd damaged their cars so bad is a mystery.   They must have been doing 50mph each!  More concerning though was the third car who again must have been doing over 40mph, and decided that instead of braking to avoid the crash, they'd go towards some metal railings. Great decision there, slow clap for you.  7 people then proceeded to get out of this car and all walk off in different directions! Presumably they had an important burger to eat, or were immigrants or some such.

So, the cause of this accident.  Well more than likely the cause on paper will go down as being speed. Which will mean speed camera's will be put up, and speed humps that could catch a Bowing 747 out. Yes these drivers appeared to have been speeding - but this does not mean speed was the cause.  They ineptness at driving properly is.  How did they crash on a straight road!? How did the other car not brake?  These drivers did not have the skills required for dealing with any potential hazards, and this was what caused it. People should go through a crash avoidance test either during, or just after their driving test.  There are some people id like to volunteer to be the pedestrians walking out in front of the car!

Two types of drivers

There are two types of drivers in this world...

1. The type who use their sun visors all time time, even if the moons a bit bright

2. The type who wear sunglasses, and can drive more than 5mph without sliding into a bush.


I was following someone this morning who at every corner was moving their sun visor about in order to block the big orange ball out. Its the first day we've really seen sun this year, and it wasn't that bright. They were inept at being able to do this without braking violently either.  Further proof came of their stupidity came when they approached a roundabout, and with their sun visor covering the top half of the driver side window, they failed to see the car coming on the roundabout, and pulled out in front of them.  Luckily the other driver was of driver type 2 - and had some sense. Crash averted!

Sun visors are there for when you really have no other option to be able to see the road. Not because you would prefer living in a dark cave, watching repeats of Steptoe and Son on a black and white TV, eating ryvita's all day.  They should come with a safety warning for stupid people, or taken away completely and the drivers given a blindfold - it would probably improve their driving skills!

Sticking to the speed limit does not make you a good driver

Last night I had a Ford Galaxy people carrier pull in front of me out of a petrol station.  This annoyed me a little, but i decided top give the driver the benefit of the doubt. 

However, my frustration became increasinly heightened as the driver was keen on doing 5 mph, and sometimes 10mph below the speed limit.  There was no need for this, the roads were dry, there was very limited traffic about. 

Next we came upto a roundabout, and they pulled into the lane to go left, rather than ahead. Thinking what was about to happen, i stayed back - and indeed they saw their mistake and pulled back into my lane to go straight ahead.

Again, they were doing 20mph in a 30mph limit, and I was starting to wonder how I was going to be able to get away from this driver before there was a simply monumental accident.  Next we came to a larage roundabout which was busy. This time in the right lane to go straight ahead of right, but with no signal they veered off to the right. A car coming the other direction wanting to go straight ahead had not expected them to do this due to lack of signal, and had to slam on their brakes to avooid a colision. The driver who I had been following made no reaction.

So before you judge someone who going too fast on the roads, please remember for every 1 of those peoploe who may be oing 1mph over the speed limit, there is someone who thinks they are the safest driver ever because they stick well under the speed limit. Not true!

Baby on board sign - taken to next level

We've all seen cars with the tacky "baby on board" signs in the back window. Nobody really knows what these signs are meant to do. Does it give the driver of the car some kind of special permission to drive recklessly because the baby has thrown up on the seats? No idea to be honest!

This morning i saw a Baby on board sign, taken to the next level. It was a picture of a pregnant mothers ultrasound scan in the back window, with the words ... "on board" over the top of it.  Why!?  What good is that going to do, and why would other people on the road be interested?  It could have been a picture of James May's arse - it wasn't at all clear until you were right up to the back of the car. So in actual fact, the car owner is inviting people to smack them up the backside, whilst trying to work out what the hell the picture is!

Shopping all over the road

Driving home tonight I was travelling up a short section of dual carriageway after a large ASDA super market. Its  a very short section leading to a roundabout where the two lanes merge into one.

A Nissan Quashqo (Or Prick as we will name it for purposes of the story) was right up my back bottom on the way up the dual carriageway, for no obvious reason. He decided to get into the outside lane just before the roundabout and cut me up as it merged to one lane. As he accelerated, the boot opened to reveal about 10 bags of shopping, and the majority of them then fell into the road with a big smash. There was food everywhere all over the road,and likely all ruined! Funniest thing ever!  That will learn them!

Caravan crash

What's more annoying than seeing a caravan on the road?  The answer:  Being held up in a two mile tailback because a caravan has crashed and blocked the road!

I honestly do not see the point of a caravan.  They aren't cheap, you waste thousands of pounds buying one for it to be stuck on your driveway, blocking out the light from yours and your neighbours windows. When you do decide to use it the tyres are more than likely flat, or the battery dead. Or you find that a local badger has burrowed into it as he's decided it looks like a nice place to sleep for the winter. Once you've sorted all those issues you, you discover you've got nobody to go away with because your wife has run off with the milkman, not wanting to be bored to death inside a caravan. your son / daughter has run away to Ibiza for fear of embarrassment. If you do decide to act a loner and go away in it by yourself you will More than likely find its turned into a force 12 gale, and the caravan will be thrown about like a blow up doll on a welsh farm if you were to risk it. All that, and for what?

When you do get to some caravan park, what is there to do?  "fill up the loo" was the answer given to Jeremy Clarkson when they tried it, and asked the question of "what do we do now we are here?" That trip resulted in having a bit of spam on a broken plate for breakfast, and the caravan ending up on fire.

This weekend is a bank holiday in the UK, and therefore there will be many caravans on the road heading to their fields of hell.  The most worrying thing of all is there they do not need to pass an MOT. So if you are following a caravan this weekend - just think about that.  At any time a wheel may fall off, burst, or the whole thing might collapse... and that's before you even start to think about the Muppet driving the car, pulling the caravan!

Scaring drunk drivers off the road!

Last night around midnight the roads were quiet apart from a fair few Police cars out and about and some blatantly drunk drivers. Presumably that's what the police were out looking for - and good. People to take to the wheel, having had too much alcohol will at some point ending up killing someone and/or themselves. Why do people risk it these days when the chance of getting caught is so high?

One driver in front of me last night was weaving all over the place, and was obviously well over the limit, and drunk at the wheel. At that point there were no police cars about (typically). So i decided to do a bit of policing myself.  I accelerated quickly to get up behind the car in close proximity and started flashing the headlights as an undercover police car would do.  The outcome was that the drunk driver freaked out, and started braking and looking behind as though he had just been caught, and was going to lose his licence!  Acknowledging my job was done, i turned off. however hopefully this was enough to make the driver think twice next time and not get behind the wheel drunk!  Am i being over hopeful?

DON'T Drink and DRIVE!!!

Cyclist Takes Revenge on Rude (?) Driver

There has been a video posted on MSN today of a cyclist taking is revenge for a driver being "apparently" rude.

Check it out here:

I am on the drivers side on this one.  The silver car was not entirely at fault, its not as though he intentionally went to ram the bike off the road. The cyclist got into his blind spot, and where as he probably should have seen the cyclist sooner and stopped, he didn't get to the point where the cyclist was rammed off the road. There was still a few few feet of space!  Just me thinking this?  The cyclist more than likely was having a bad day, perhaps he was turned down for sex the night before, or woke up and found a badger had eaten his weetabix?  Basically he should be made to pay for the damage to the car.

Texting whilst Driving!

On my way to work this morning I noticed a girl behind me in a silver Corsa who appears to have her eyes shut.  I thought that perhaps she had managed to get hold of the only Corsa that can drive itself, whilst the owner catches up on some sleep.  These are seriously the thoughts that go through my mind!

That appeared not to be the case though. She was in fact obviously looking down at something. Now either there was something very interesting going on by her feet such as a fight between some flies, or a weird shaped pebble or she was texting on her mobile phone.  the likely one being the latter here, as she was looking up from her phone about one every 10 seconds to check she hadn't crashed into something whilst texting someone, or sending naked pictures to people.

This made me worried. Not because of the naked pictures, but because of the fact she was likely to smash into the back of my car. The traffic was slow and i needed to brake a fair bit, and as i did so i could see she was getting close to my car, and then braking once she'd realised what was happening.  Luckily after about 10 mins i turned off but this is a disaster waiting to happen. She could very easily lose concentration and plough into the back of a car, or run a pedestrian over.  It is times likes this i wish i had a set of blue lights and a police siren to properly scare the crap out of people who are pure driving idiots.

Don't text whilst driving. It is likely to end in death and / or injury and likely to land you in prison also.

White van man - lost identity

This morning I was following a white man on a 60mph road.  Now you would have thought that i would have to be really hard pushed to keep up with him, as if stereotypes are true he would have been doing about 150mph, sideways, talking on his mobile and smoking a sausage roll!

Quite the opposite - he was barely doing 30mph!  It seems he had lost his identity, and was not actually a "white van man"  - maybe he was used to riding the Teacup ride at Thorpe Park all day, and got lost on the M25, and accidentally found himself in a white van!?

Views and burgers cause accidents

On a trip along Portsdown hill today that has views across Portsmouth, and the Isle of White I saw several near crashes happen in front of my eyes.

The car in front was doing 35mph in a 40mph limit, and weaving about all over the road. On 2 occasions the car weaved over the centre line, and had to swerve back again to avoid a head on crash.  It was obvious that the driver was too busy looking at the view from the hill, and not concentrating on the road. Either that or they were getting a foot massage, but I'm fairly sure that kind of service is not available in Portsmouth. Not during daylight anyway!  When it was safe to do so i overtook the car, not wanting to be involved in a pile up behind them. I got flashed at because they considered me dangerous. No cars were coming, i was still doing around the speed limit - not dangerous! They obviously thought they were the best driver in the world and didn't notice their dangerous weaving about.

A few miles down the road and there was another car sightseeing. This time doing 20mph in a 40mph limit. The car immediately behind had obviously had enough, and overtook on a double solid white line. An illegal move, and there was a car coming the other way! If this had resulted in a crash, there is no doubt that the overtaking car would be to blame, when in fact the slow, sightseeing car would have been the cause. Pure sacrilege.

Another 500 yds down the road there is a well known 24hr Mobile burger van, which as it turns out is not mobile. Its there all the time, and is renown as the best burgers on the south coast. It is of course Micks. The car that was about 3 cars in front of me had obviously decided they fancied getting larded up on a face full of burger, and braked suddenly to turn in to the ample parking area. The cars behind had to brake suddenly to ensure there wasn't a crash. Could have been an expensive burger if this had gone wrong!

The moral of this story is.  If you want to gawp at the views on a road then pull over, don't risk getting in a crash due to lack of concentration, and if you want to fill your face, then don't take risks. Micks is great, but you don't want to be lying in hospital eating a cold sausage, now do you!

Drunk Driver Alert

During the past week Ive seen a handful of drivers who are potentially drunk. The worrying thing is that one of these was at 9am in the morning! All of them have been swerving over the road, going way too slow for the road conditions and not having any road awareness whatsoever.  In fact i'm pretty sure our two 10 month only kittens would be able to drive a car better than all of these people put together. Are cat driving licences a thing of the future?

The police are generally pretty good at sniffing out the secret vodka drinkers, and getting them banned. BUT... the chances are that the people who are consistently drunk behind the wheel aren't actually going to care if they have their licence taken away. The next day they'll get in the car after having a few too many cans of floor polish and do it all over again.  What is there to stop them?  Sorry sir, you're banned again - even though you've been banned 15 times already. "WHO'S A NAUGHTY BOY THEN... DONT DO IT AGAIN!"

Something has to change. If you are caught blatantly and knowingly drunk behind the wheel you should be made to do something really nasty. Such as working in McDonalds for an example or even worse KFC.

Examples of bad driving

A Few shocking examples of bad driving below:

Dodgy drivers on mobile phones

A news story was published today regarding a driver who was caught talking on two mobiles, whilst doing 70 mph down a duel carriage way. He maintained that despite reports, he wasn't steering with his knees!  What was he driving with then?? He also said that he wasn't actively using two mobiles, he was searching for a number on one, and speaking it into the other.  Oh well - that's alright then!! 

No doubt he was on the phone to his local whore house, and was reading out the number for his favourite sex phone line whilst steering with his penis.  For that he got banned and £200 of fines. 

To be honest though, this isn't enough.  He has seriously risked the life of himself and thousands of road users and pedestrians around him by this act. Just for the sake of getting a good deal on a whore! Seriously though, mobile phones can destroy lives.  There is a well known police program that's repeated weekly showing the story of a girl who died when her car was crushed into a small cube, because the lorry driver behind was playing with his mobile and didn't see her brake.  That girl had a family, who has had their lives shaken, turned upside down and burnt to a crisp because of the lorry driver being stupid.

Using a mobile phone whilst driving is probably something we've all done at some point.  Just today i saw two people on the phone whilst driving and both of them nearly had accidents as i watched them.  One of them pulled out in front of me, the other was about to pull out on a police car with his blue lights on!  If these two drivers continue to do this they are likely to end up in prison on a death by driving charge.  I just hope they don't, and that honest road users don't end up injured or dead because of people like this.

Stop using your mobile whilst driving.  It's not worth the risk!

Link to news story of man steering with his man vegetables:

http://news.uk.msn.com/uk/driver-caught-using-two-mobiles

Cars dont kill people - stupid drivers do.

Yet another example today of a stupid driver causing potential risk to lives.

On the on slip to a busy motorway i was following four cars, about to merge onto the motorway at 60mph. The traffic was light and there was adequate space for us all to merge onto the motorway.  All of a sudden the car in front braked heavily and i had to stamp on the brakes to not hit it.  What appeared to have happened is that the front car had decided to stop at the end of the slip road, instead of merging into traffic. I can only assume they'd suddenly remembered they'd left the iron on at home and the house was currently burning to the ground, or that they'd just found out they'd won the lottery.  Surely it must have been something important to stop like that?

No - it would appear that they forgot the rules of the motorway and was treating it like a normal road junction.  If the cars behind them hadnt been on the ball, this could have been a major pile up, and potential risk to lives.  These sort of people are the ones who should be banned until they can prove they are a good driver. A lap of the nurburgring in under 10minutes, in a mini cooper s would be a good basis for passing and demonstrating this.

Buying a car and paying more insurance.

Why is it that when you buy a new or used car - your insurance goes sky high? Never mind whether the car you've bought is a lower insurance group.

For some reason the insurance industry seem to expect you to crash the car you've just bought because you don't know how to drive it.  I accept that there are a minority of people who will, like the 85 year old who came out of the showroom and ploughed straight through the living room of the house opposite, because they forgot their new car was an automatic. This however it not what normal people do.  Its not as though your new car is going to have the brake and accelerator pedals the other way round is it? 

I recently changed my car, to a diesel, in a lower insurance group and my premium went up from £30 a month, to £56! This is just another way of insurance companies making money out of your circumstances!

Shocking behaviour !!!