How did they crash!?

Monday lunch time, on way to a popular shopping centre in Hampshire - coming across a head on accident on a 30mph road, was not the thing i was expecting to see. a Big cheese filled burger, and perhaps some shop lifters - yes.

The accident appears to have just happened. Two cars had gone head on, and the cars were obliterated at the front.  How they'd managed to even crash, and how they'd damaged their cars so bad is a mystery.   They must have been doing 50mph each!  More concerning though was the third car who again must have been doing over 40mph, and decided that instead of braking to avoid the crash, they'd go towards some metal railings. Great decision there, slow clap for you.  7 people then proceeded to get out of this car and all walk off in different directions! Presumably they had an important burger to eat, or were immigrants or some such.

So, the cause of this accident.  Well more than likely the cause on paper will go down as being speed. Which will mean speed camera's will be put up, and speed humps that could catch a Bowing 747 out. Yes these drivers appeared to have been speeding - but this does not mean speed was the cause.  They ineptness at driving properly is.  How did they crash on a straight road!? How did the other car not brake?  These drivers did not have the skills required for dealing with any potential hazards, and this was what caused it. People should go through a crash avoidance test either during, or just after their driving test.  There are some people id like to volunteer to be the pedestrians walking out in front of the car!

Two types of drivers

There are two types of drivers in this world...

1. The type who use their sun visors all time time, even if the moons a bit bright

2. The type who wear sunglasses, and can drive more than 5mph without sliding into a bush.


I was following someone this morning who at every corner was moving their sun visor about in order to block the big orange ball out. Its the first day we've really seen sun this year, and it wasn't that bright. They were inept at being able to do this without braking violently either.  Further proof came of their stupidity came when they approached a roundabout, and with their sun visor covering the top half of the driver side window, they failed to see the car coming on the roundabout, and pulled out in front of them.  Luckily the other driver was of driver type 2 - and had some sense. Crash averted!

Sun visors are there for when you really have no other option to be able to see the road. Not because you would prefer living in a dark cave, watching repeats of Steptoe and Son on a black and white TV, eating ryvita's all day.  They should come with a safety warning for stupid people, or taken away completely and the drivers given a blindfold - it would probably improve their driving skills!

Sticking to the speed limit does not make you a good driver

Last night I had a Ford Galaxy people carrier pull in front of me out of a petrol station.  This annoyed me a little, but i decided top give the driver the benefit of the doubt. 

However, my frustration became increasinly heightened as the driver was keen on doing 5 mph, and sometimes 10mph below the speed limit.  There was no need for this, the roads were dry, there was very limited traffic about. 

Next we came upto a roundabout, and they pulled into the lane to go left, rather than ahead. Thinking what was about to happen, i stayed back - and indeed they saw their mistake and pulled back into my lane to go straight ahead.

Again, they were doing 20mph in a 30mph limit, and I was starting to wonder how I was going to be able to get away from this driver before there was a simply monumental accident.  Next we came to a larage roundabout which was busy. This time in the right lane to go straight ahead of right, but with no signal they veered off to the right. A car coming the other direction wanting to go straight ahead had not expected them to do this due to lack of signal, and had to slam on their brakes to avooid a colision. The driver who I had been following made no reaction.

So before you judge someone who going too fast on the roads, please remember for every 1 of those peoploe who may be oing 1mph over the speed limit, there is someone who thinks they are the safest driver ever because they stick well under the speed limit. Not true!

Cars on fire, but i'm not stopping for anything!

Now if you could smell something burning, saw smoke and flames coming out of your cars bonnet - You'd stop, get out the car and call 999? Wouldnt you!?

Apparently some people dont have these thoughts! Yesterday upon exiting a motorway I came up to a VW Golf that had smoke pouring out of it, and flames starting to appear from the side of the bonnet. There was a serious smell of melting plastic - so unless the car is one of those new eco cars that runs on melted plastic, i'm surprised it was still actually running.  But running it was, and the driver was not giving up. "if i drive faster, i'll put the fire out" is the only thing i can presume they were thinking!

People were flashing their lights, hooting their horns, trying to make the driver stop, but still they kept on! 2 miles down the road and the smoke was getting more and more thick, it was getting hard to actually see the road in front!

It wasnt til someone coming the other way actually pulled in front of them and blocked them from driving any further, that they stopped! We all got out our cars to pull the person out the car.  Expecting a little old lady who didnt know what to do, we were surprised to see a 30 year old man, who should have known better!

"what were you thinking" someone asked.  "i dont know, i thought i could get home!" the man replied.   Well done, so once you were home what were you expecting to do? Get a bucket and put it out!?

soon enough the firemen came and put it out - and that was the end of the fun time!
It left me thinking though that there should be an IQ test when it comes to the driving test, people should be asked questions such as "how do you spell .spanner"  Anyone who fails should be marked as someone never to be allowed to own, drive, or be near a car! 

Shopping all over the road

Driving home tonight I was travelling up a short section of dual carriageway after a large ASDA super market. Its  a very short section leading to a roundabout where the two lanes merge into one.

A Nissan Quashqo (Or Prick as we will name it for purposes of the story) was right up my back bottom on the way up the dual carriageway, for no obvious reason. He decided to get into the outside lane just before the roundabout and cut me up as it merged to one lane. As he accelerated, the boot opened to reveal about 10 bags of shopping, and the majority of them then fell into the road with a big smash. There was food everywhere all over the road,and likely all ruined! Funniest thing ever!  That will learn them!

Insurance black box

So you've heard of Aircraft black boxes. Now many insurance companies are offering you the chance of a black box for your car! Now don't be concerned, it isn't a little box that will record everything you say in the car so that in the event of a minor prang, you are put to death for having said "cheese" on your way to the supermarket.

The black box records speed, time, location, and G forces as you are driving the car - which is then fed back to the Insurance HQ.  If you are proved to be a driver who sticks to the speed limits, and doesn't go round corners at 60mph then your insurance price will stay low. It also depends on how much mileage you do, and where and when you drive too.  If you are a normal driver who mostly sticks to the speed limits, and goes round corners at a practical speed then this black box arrangement is not for you.  You will get penalised for bad driving, even though you are actually perfectly safe.  for example if you were stuck being a 20mph driver on a 60mph limit, and overtook them - the G forces recorded would put you down as a dangerous driver, even though in actual fact the 20mph was the dangerous one!

So, when should you get a black box?  If you are a practical, but safe driver who enjoys driving then don't bother.  If you only drive to the shops once a week on a Monday afternoon, religiously stick to 5mph under the speed limit, and drive a car that's capable of accelerating from 0 - 60 in 2 months, then this is the deal for you!

One day all of us will be made to get one, and that will be the time when driving will no longer be fun, but a massive bore. Super Cars will no longer exist except for track days, and the worlds economy will suffer because everyone is taking 2 hours longer to get to work. 

Cyclist Takes Revenge on Rude (?) Driver

There has been a video posted on MSN today of a cyclist taking is revenge for a driver being "apparently" rude.

Check it out here:

I am on the drivers side on this one.  The silver car was not entirely at fault, its not as though he intentionally went to ram the bike off the road. The cyclist got into his blind spot, and where as he probably should have seen the cyclist sooner and stopped, he didn't get to the point where the cyclist was rammed off the road. There was still a few few feet of space!  Just me thinking this?  The cyclist more than likely was having a bad day, perhaps he was turned down for sex the night before, or woke up and found a badger had eaten his weetabix?  Basically he should be made to pay for the damage to the car.

Texting whilst Driving!

On my way to work this morning I noticed a girl behind me in a silver Corsa who appears to have her eyes shut.  I thought that perhaps she had managed to get hold of the only Corsa that can drive itself, whilst the owner catches up on some sleep.  These are seriously the thoughts that go through my mind!

That appeared not to be the case though. She was in fact obviously looking down at something. Now either there was something very interesting going on by her feet such as a fight between some flies, or a weird shaped pebble or she was texting on her mobile phone.  the likely one being the latter here, as she was looking up from her phone about one every 10 seconds to check she hadn't crashed into something whilst texting someone, or sending naked pictures to people.

This made me worried. Not because of the naked pictures, but because of the fact she was likely to smash into the back of my car. The traffic was slow and i needed to brake a fair bit, and as i did so i could see she was getting close to my car, and then braking once she'd realised what was happening.  Luckily after about 10 mins i turned off but this is a disaster waiting to happen. She could very easily lose concentration and plough into the back of a car, or run a pedestrian over.  It is times likes this i wish i had a set of blue lights and a police siren to properly scare the crap out of people who are pure driving idiots.

Don't text whilst driving. It is likely to end in death and / or injury and likely to land you in prison also.

Views and burgers cause accidents

On a trip along Portsdown hill today that has views across Portsmouth, and the Isle of White I saw several near crashes happen in front of my eyes.

The car in front was doing 35mph in a 40mph limit, and weaving about all over the road. On 2 occasions the car weaved over the centre line, and had to swerve back again to avoid a head on crash.  It was obvious that the driver was too busy looking at the view from the hill, and not concentrating on the road. Either that or they were getting a foot massage, but I'm fairly sure that kind of service is not available in Portsmouth. Not during daylight anyway!  When it was safe to do so i overtook the car, not wanting to be involved in a pile up behind them. I got flashed at because they considered me dangerous. No cars were coming, i was still doing around the speed limit - not dangerous! They obviously thought they were the best driver in the world and didn't notice their dangerous weaving about.

A few miles down the road and there was another car sightseeing. This time doing 20mph in a 40mph limit. The car immediately behind had obviously had enough, and overtook on a double solid white line. An illegal move, and there was a car coming the other way! If this had resulted in a crash, there is no doubt that the overtaking car would be to blame, when in fact the slow, sightseeing car would have been the cause. Pure sacrilege.

Another 500 yds down the road there is a well known 24hr Mobile burger van, which as it turns out is not mobile. Its there all the time, and is renown as the best burgers on the south coast. It is of course Micks. The car that was about 3 cars in front of me had obviously decided they fancied getting larded up on a face full of burger, and braked suddenly to turn in to the ample parking area. The cars behind had to brake suddenly to ensure there wasn't a crash. Could have been an expensive burger if this had gone wrong!

The moral of this story is.  If you want to gawp at the views on a road then pull over, don't risk getting in a crash due to lack of concentration, and if you want to fill your face, then don't take risks. Micks is great, but you don't want to be lying in hospital eating a cold sausage, now do you!

What is that smell?

Driving along the other morning i was suddenly hit square in the face by a big smell. It appeared to be an egg like smell.  For one moment i wondered if the burger van about 100yds down the road had exploded, and expected to see burgers shooting up into the air, as well as chips,eggs, and sausages. I was a feeling a little hungry, so this would have been a win,win situation.

Half a mile down the road, it soon became apparent as to the cause of the foul odour.  A lorry carrying eggs was on fire.  How a lorry comes to actually be on fire is a very interesting question, had the eggs in the back been rubbing together so furiously that they had "made fire" ? How else would it happen?  I was so tempted to ask the driver whether the eggs were going to turn out poached or fried.

Luckily the fire brigade arrived just then so all was well. Apart from the hundreds of thousands of wasted eggs, obviously!

Examples of bad driving

A Few shocking examples of bad driving below: