Deckchair holiday by the motorway. No thanks!

Most people in their 70's would opt for a deckchair on a sandy beach in Eastbourne or Bournemouth given the choice of a break away from watching Gardeners World on TV, and counting their marbles.  Apparently not all of them though.  On the top of a motorway bridge the other way were a couple in their 70s, camped out on deckchairs, in yellow vests.  The weather was cold and foggy, but the man was in shorts. 

Presumably therefore, theyd run out of marbles to count and decided they needed a change!  I'm guessing they were counting cars for some random project, but 8 hours on, when i returned along this road they were still there... and still in shorts.  Surely they must have something better to do?

Campervans. Get a proper car!

Recently i've been made aware of a select group of people who seem to think that campervans are a cool thing to own. 

I dont think that this has somehow be classed as "cool." These campervans are simply nothing more than an old van, with a window cut in the side and an old matress that smells of wee inside. The type of people who think these are cool, are usually over 40, eithet teachers, or policemen and have nothing else to do but drive around thinking they're in their 20's and 30's again! Sometime's theyve even wasted their time by painting things on the side of them to in a bid to look even more cooler. It just draws attention to the fact they're being a tw@!

Why don't you grow up and get a proper car? If you want to go away and stay somewhere overnight you dont have to sleep in a van, there's a thing called a hotel. Here you can sleep somewhere where the matress doesnt smell of urine (unless its the Plymouth Travellodge) and where you might actually be treated like a respected person, rather than an old person, trying to relive their youth, and acting like a tramp!

Slow drivers - cause accidents

A huge story in the news right now is the increase of car insurance, particularly for young drivers. To me this seems unjustified and an excuse to charge shocking amounts to people who just want to get in the car, and start doing handbrake turns... I mean, driving carefully.

Young people in the majority are not dangerous. They know the risks but are careful drivers.

To prove this statement:

• When I had passed my test I would only do handbrake turns when travelling well under 100mph. I have since had more experience so have now increased the speed to 125mph


• I would do a maximum of 55mph in a 30mph zone


• When it was raining i would stop driving on the pavements


• When snowing, i had an anchor to throw out the window - so in the event i started slipping out of control i could wrap it around a lamppost, or a fat man on the pavement to stop safely


• The maximum speed i would travel backwards in a car park was 35mph


• J turns were only completed on a Monday morning, during rush hour.


• My tyres were renewed whenever i heard metal grinding on the road from a blow out

The older generation of today are the cause of the accidents. Only yesterday i was sat behind a Honda Ass, sorry Jazz doing 20mph in a 60mph zone. I think the engine must have been stripped out and a small gerbil put into its place. Either that or the person driving had no knowledge of what a car is, and what they were doing. After 2 minutes of getting frustrated and about to have a nosebleed due to increased bloody pressure i overtook them. It was a straight road, i could see 200 yards in front, the road was dry, my handbrake was off. On passing the car they started to honk their horn and flash their lights. For one second i thought maybe I'd left my blow up doll on the roof, but they were in fact protesting at my unsafe driving.

I ignored them and forgot about it. 20 minutes later i drove back the other way and 2 miles along the road where i had overtaken them earlier I came across the same Honda Jazz, just in front of a mangled bicycle. The biker was fortunately ok, but it was obvious what had happened. The Honda Jazz driver was so engrained in travelling under 25mph so not to disturb the straw hat from the parcel shelf, they had not seen the cyclist and caught his bike on the bumper and knocked him off.

People should have a yearly test at the Nurburg ring to demonstrate that they can handle a car at speed, and in extreme circumstances. If they can, the maximumn insurance they should pay is £100 a year. If they cant, they should be sent home on the bus and ordered to pay road tax for the people who can drive.

Its time the insurance sector was revolutionised.